Awake

It’s been nearly a year since I’ve written a word. Haven’t said much either. I’ve preferred to keep my mouth shut. Lately, I’ve been taking it easy, living off the family inheritance, catching up on reading, sitting in the park watching the young girls cycle by, their legs strong against the push of the pedals.

You can spend a whole day doing nothing and feel invigorated. I don’t understand these people who say if they didn’t work, they’d be incredibly bored. Not surprisingly, none of these people have ever had the opportunity to not work. They don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. If they had the opportunity, they’d realize how valuable having all the time in the world is.

Most people don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. And that goes double for me. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so silent lately. Oh sure, ole Manco is raging and screaming inside as always; I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t. The outside of me though is calm, poker-faced. I’ve accepted the direction of the world and its inhabitants. I may not be pleased with the results, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

People like to talk. I had some people over the other night. They talked about a wide range of subjects – the food we ate, the drinks, sex, violence, movies ad politics. They really loved talking about the politics.

A meaningless conversation, really. I used to talk the politics. I don’t anymore. One has to be naive or a complete fool not to see the whole political landscape is a farce filled with con men and errand boys. The system is sinking fast – the nation my father and millions other fought and believed in almost gone.

I used to think that something sinking deserved to be saved. Not so. It’s a tough realization when you discover the world will go on without you. Being the egocentric creatures we are, we seem to think we are here for the blessings of many. In reality, we’re all solitary figures merely passing through our own dream. With or without us, the world will lumber on.

For example, take that guy, Joseph Stack. You know, that cat who dove his plan into the IRS building in Austin. I imagine, even as he guided the plane into the building, he was thinking that this event would make him a hero to many and spur some kind of revolution.

It didn’t. I drive by that building frequently. Know what I’ve noticed? Nothing stops. It enters your mind, you might take a cursory glance at the shell of the building, but within seconds you’re past it and continuing towards your original endeavor. Every day thousands of people pass that site in their cars and continue driving, their mind on dinner or their favorite television show or how they really want to bang that hot file clerk in their office, if only they weren’t married or balding or overweight or nervous in the presence of beauty. People are too busy to think about Joseph or his plane or his manifesto. Face it, no one gives a shit about anyone but themselves. While it’s become chic to bemoan selfishness over the years, I say embrace it.

If a system is really corrupt, diseased and decaying, let it die on its own. Don’t kill yourself or someone else to fail to make a point. Let it die. Watch it quiver and draw in last breath and wither and stop moving. Smile to yourself when it’s gone. Revel in the joy of being right. The world will go on.